Have I ever told anyone that needles give me the willies? I have hated needles since I was a littel girl. I have never been more afraid of any other physical infliction of pain. At the age of 17 I realized that my fear was controlling an aspect of my life and so forced myself to control my fear in the most controlled environment available to me, like giving blood, it is the same thing everytime and you always know what to expect.Sure some of the flabotomist partake in the joy of watching their victims squirm but all in all it isn't that bad. And I am happy to say that I am a regular blood donator, up until I got pregnant, of course. I would say that I conquered my fear but there is one problem, that blasted finger poke (a prerequisite to giving blood, you know the one where they take the needle disguised in a little plastic sheath and stick the side of your finger to check your iron). It scares the living daylights out of me. I constantly try to anticipate the exact release of the spring loaded needle plunging toward my finger in hopes that I might be able to move in time - which I am never able to do - and I end up twiching because my muscles and my head are working on two seperate systems - move or stay. My most valiant attempts....FOILED....until today. I think I found a cure for the fear of needles.
Beckett had to go to an allergist today to see if they could figure out if there were other factors contributing to his cough. The long and the short is that this isn't a new back piece that Scott and I let Beckett get so that he looked cool with his shirt off, all of those marks are where they had to poke my son WITH NEEDLES dipped in various allergens. It turns out that watching your child get poked 20 some odd times in his back, watching the smile, that once highlighted his face as he relaxed into the comforting arms of his mommy and daddy's embrace, fade into utter fear, pain and a complete lack of understanding as he wonders why on earth the arms that were once so safe are now allied with the horrible people that he cannot see nor will he ever see again...That is enough to realize that there is very few things that can happen to us physically that even compares to that momentary look of betrayal and pain. If I could I would do anything to keep Beckett safe and unharmed. Isn't it interesting how things change when you have a baby. I know people say that you will never know true love until you have a child, but it still amazes me everytime the reality of that statement knocks me off of my track.
4 comments:
Are these from another test?!
Yes. Sorry I am trying to update my blog and finish all of my old posts that are sitting in my draft folder. This is from the April 29, it is how we found out that Beckett ia allergic to dogs, wheat and mold (that grows in wet leaves).
Oh my gosh! E.Jay just went and had that done and I was just going to post about it soon. E.Jay had over 75 skin tests done on his back. When the doc came in to check on him, he freaked out because half of his back was swollen with bumps and hives. He is apparently allergic to most things in the air from April to September. Poor little Beckett! I'm so sad that he had to go through that!
It is so true. Kids give you a whole different idea of what is. I am so sorry about all those needles! That sounds like it was hard for you to watch.
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