December 31, 2023

December 31, 2023

12/31/23

123123

We are at the final countdown of 2023. It has been a year to write about and I am sure that it will come - a little now a little later.

I made a post before about my love for the number 23. It is my number, the one that when I see it I am immediately cognizant of my surroundings. It is that still small voice of a larger power that lets me know to pay attention. That I am seen. That there is more to life if you pause.

Enter 2023, I thought for sure that meant that this year was going to kick ass. I turned 40, celebrated 20 years of marriage, was feeling settled in my career change to travel and even started my year in Thailand. I just "knew" that this year was going to be BIG. I guess maybe I fantasized a little bit about what that would look like. Maybe it was travel more, maybe it would be that I found this new side of me that was bad ass and didn't care and I could put my own needs in front, and I would be this person...this new person. You know how you look at others and you think you they are a strong mamba jamba...I had high expectations for this year.

The entire year, I kept waiting for divine inspiration, to turn that corner. I kept justifying that this is just a setback, another lesson, I just needed to hold on because there was something coming JUST FOR ME.

I went on trips, visited new countries, saw new resorts and properties, met new people. This was the time to BE ME.

It felt like it hurt more when things didn't go the way I envisioned - not in the sense of having everything play out in a certain way but in the sense of this self-actualization - that I could change and create this space that was authentic and represented me. You see, I would take characteristics that I found strong and desirable, and I would be able to adopt them as my own.... because we get to dictate those things, right? I can sharpen the edges that I think are too dull and vice versa, I am the creator of my space and my identity.

It may be somewhat true. We have a say. We have a voice, but I think I have realized that the drive has to come from the right place. There were things that I wanted because I would hit professional thresholds, or I wanted to impress the "powers that be" and prove my worth based on my accomplishments or maybe I wanted to impress myself and prove my worth to myself. I wanted to write affirmations of what I needed in my life to make me happy - I like making XYZ. I like doing XYZ. 

I, I, I, I, I.....

I have been hell bent that 2023 was going to be something spectacular and that this chapter of my life was going to end with a freaking exclamation mark, and it was going to be the year of ME - the YEAR OF FAITH. Every hiccup along the way was like it was testing my faith. Would this be the thing that breaks me and stands in the way of me and 'my year'? 

WHIPLASH - There was a theme that started early on. It hurt to watch friendships be redefined. It hurt to hear people I love talking about me. It hurt to feel the shifting of conversations and notice the side looks. It hurt when people acted vindictively knowing that they could create a narrative and abstain from accountability. 

But I am a problem solver, a peacekeeper and a FIXER!

Why did it look like I was trying to DO IT MYSELF? Easy, I needed to come forward, expose myself, show vulnerability and allow a genuine space of trust to take its place. FAIL  

I wasn't trying to do it myself - I love teamwork, I love a good debate or devil's advocate, I love being surrounded by people with a different perspective. I love being impressed by humans and their gifts. 

I am not here to DO IT MYSELF - I was PIVOTING with the changing environment. 

Have you ever heard the ideology that you will keep lessons repeat themselves until you learn from them? This idea that what you see as problems, challenges, irritations or frustrations are new renditions of a truth that you need to learn about yourself or your surroundings? It all comes back to YOU. 

You cannot change people; you have no control the only thing/person you have control over is YOU. The real test is whether you are aware, and can you implement the lessons you have learned. 

This year has been a year of WHIPLASH & PIVOTING  and LEANING IN. 

Leaning into lesson that have been learned in years past. Leaning into a person that I know. Learning to love that person and remembering that she is who she is because of what she has been through. She is multidimensional. She trusts. She is mindful. Oftentimes she struggles to put her full weight behind any topic because she knows the importance of personal truths and that nobody is 100% right or wrong.  She has been bent and broken. She has healed with scars. She feels the energy of others and of the spaces that surround her. She listens. She has needs that make her feel alive. She is intuitive and a great problem solver. She is kind and loves deeply. She is not for everyone. She is an empath. She is beautifully made even when she hates the way she looks, sounds. reacts...

I often find myself in the 'Instagram/Facebook Reel' cycle (that always lasts longer than you think it was going to when you started) and I stumbled on my good James Van Der Beek from Dawson's Creek. It was a silly little reel, one that grabbed me it was about how to clean the door of a fireplace. The message was that the cure is often in the disease...to get of the soot off of the glass doors of the fireplace use the ash to make a paste instead of investing in all of the creams and cleansers. Why did that hit me? Why did it imbed itself into my consciousness? All I know is that last night while I was tucking my kids in, I thought of the date. Tomorrow will be the last day of 23.

12/31/23

1-2-3-1-2-3. 1-2-3-1-2-3. 1-2-3-1-2-3.

The finality of it all. This is the ONLY time I will ever see this number in my life - it feels significant and yet so small...minute really.

When I wake up, I scroll, it is what I do while I am in that space of just barely awake and not. This morning I was focused on the end of 2023. I saw at some point a few things referencing the numerology of 2024 as we gear up for the NEW YEAR. I questioned what 2023 was...Yes, I can do the math and know that if 2024 is eight then 2023 would be seven but I was ready to start my day and quite frankly, the thoughts that I have immediately upon waking up are often inspiring and food for my soul.

SEVEN. "the number of introspection, intuition, and divinity, expect a major soul and spiritual awakening to shake up the collective. Seven's energy symbolizes the power of knowledge and belief systems. In spiritual numerology, seven represents divine consciousness and mental genius. This is the number of intellectualism, science, and the occult. A seeker and seer, intuitive seven symbolizes the journey of life and self-realization.  Seven's mission is to uncover the true meaning and purpose of life."

"That said, the numerical energy of 2023 empowers you to tap into your most philosophical, ritualistic, intimate, and supernatural self. This is the year to go beyond the surface-level self-care tactics and tap into the higher vibrations of life. For instance, when was the last time you planned a solo trip, booked a reading with your favorite astrologer, and incorporated moments of stillness into your daily routines?

"At the same time, 2023's universal year seven teaches us the importance of trial and error. Rather than fretting over what could go wrong, seven's mysterious spirit enjoys going behind the scenes and experimenting with new tools and techniques, so don't be afraid to tiptoe out of your comfort zone."

"In fact, despite the desire for a quiet and peaceful life, the energy of seven will bless us with profound concentration and analytical skills, making this an excellent year to further your studies and specialize in a trade. That said, expect a rise of new faces and influences this year, as seven is known for being highly praised for its unique discoveries and theories. Known for its ability to see and know beyond the physical, seven reminds us that the best things in life are yet to be discovered."

Turns out - 2023 was exactly what it was supposed to be...

It is an END and a BEGINNING in the same breath.

Cheers to 2023 and all of the life that was lived!

1-2-3-1-2-3 GO!