The Morgan's

You know when you have a lot to say/remember but you can't really figure out what to say OR when you have so much to do it's hard to find the right starting point? Well, I am there. On both cases. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have been sub-par. My poor little Roober's baby book is practically empty. All of the memories that have surrouded the last 2 1/2 years are on the verge of being lost. After 2 1/2 years we are still working on our house it is on its way to being "my" space (I say my only because I am the one who is largely in charge of "making our house a home") but I still have SOO far to go. The idea of decorating and organizing a house is an overwhelming feat. I was so excited as we were looking at houses and now, well now I am still excited but I feel like the process has been stunted. I had to start at square one. You see, growing up I was not allowed to put ANYTHING on my walls. My mom is a semi-HUGE advocate of wallpaper and she did not permit her wallpaper to be damaged. I never fought that. I accepted it. I owned it. In fact when I was in college the white walls were almost enough to drive me insane. I wished and hoped for pattern. And then when we moved into our first apt I waited 6-8 months before I really hung anything on the wall. And even when I did finally manage to get something on the wall it was scarce and was usually something that I found for a good price and thought it met the requirement of a decoaration, instead of surrounding myself with things that I loved. It has been a long transition to find myself, and figure out what I like and what I want to look at.

 - Time out: do you know what I am thinking right now...That I am on a tangent. That this IS NOT where I thought this post was going. I have a feeling that a lot of posts might take a turn like this. I think I am a little ADD and I have a bad habit of jumping mentally from one thing to another. Or maybe it is just that I have an inate ability to make a lot of things seem important/find connections/feel the need to explain...blah, blah, blah Maybe I should go back to my original post. I just wanted to take the time to APOLOGIZE one time. Instead of every time that I go off on a tangent...

I may be back logging old things. I just downloaded all of my pictures on to my external harddrive and as I was sorting the pictures into their respective folders I realized that I still remember some of the stories. So pardon me while I use my blog to document things that were. I will hopefully get better at the things that are...but I can make no promises. Now I just have to figure out a systematic way to go back and UPDATE as much of the past 2 years as possible while trying to keep from getting further behind. If anyone has any ideas. I am willing and wanting to hear them.

I am not sure what is bringing all of this on. Maybe it is because babies are looking cute again. You know that feeling where you want to hold someone else's baby. I have not felt that way for a very long time. There are certain children that I have wanted to hold but there have been ALOT that when I see them, hear them, smell them that instead of thinking how cute they are I think how happy I am that I don't have a baby. I am not planning on any additions, and I am not announcing anything. I just think that I have been thinking baout babies lately and the fact that Beckett is going to be 5 and Monroe 3. My babies are not babies, they are little kids, with a personality, an attitude, a voice...I DON'T EVER want to forget them now. I can't even think about adding another baby when I am not pulling my weight with the 2 that I have. I am not judging myself against anyone but myself. I have ideas of what I want to be and what I want to accomplish. I realized that I can only do so much. I do have limits, I don't like to admit it. And other people are much better than me on so many different levels. It is really hard for me to accept that everything isn't easier for me. Growing up things were EASY. I didn't really have to try in school, extra curricular activities...Nothing. I have always been independent, maybe it was forced, as I am the 4th of 10 kids, or maybe I always kept within my level of comfort and never pushed my personal limits. I always just accepted them...sounds kind of familiar... The point is that something has to change. I am 28 years old. I don't want to look back and feel regret. I have had a good taste of that "r" word as I have looked backon the past 2 years. This may not be the best avenue. Maybe I will need to do one of those photobooks and use that. I just need something that I can randomly update. It feels wrong to do that on a blog. I feel like I should be keeping others updated in our life, but the reality is, we don't have a super exciting life. It is pretty monotonous. We do pretty much the same thing day after day, week after week, etc, etc. I don't think that this blog would gain much from me documenting on a daily basis. That being said...Please bear with me and feel free not to read everything. :)