Mother’s Day

​Being a mom…what a joyful burden. It is life’s greatest oxymoron. 

The amount of feeling that goes into every choice and every action that these humans make is abundant. The constant evaluating, resetting, shifting, discipline, tenderness…

Sometimes it feels too heavy…

But then comes a lightness of a hug, a kiss, an “I love you” or “will you snuggle me”. 

I have never been so intrinsically aware of my downfalls, my flaws, my choices. 

I pray the storms, even though they may be violent, are soon to be met with sunshine and a time to rebuild. I pray that this and the moments that are heavy remains a moment that finds its way to the next point.  

Conversations in relation to rain that have had recently

- “The sky is crying too!”

- “We call it liquid sunshine.”

The juxtaposition of the two has my heart honing in on this idea of the season, the attitude, the build up…rain is more than water from the sky, the intensity, the temperature, the duration all feed into the way that I am able to appreciate the rain and the brightness of the sun dictates the presence of a rainbow. Maybe that is the focal point that I need to keep. Maybe the end of it is hope and faith that we are strong enough to endure, strong enough to love, strong enough to be broken and soaked but still go outside and look for the rainbow. 

Happy Mothers Day to the hearts of the longing, the burdened, the thriving, the loved and the missed!

Happy Mother’s Day to the overworked, defeated, and those holding on by a thread.

Happy Mother’s Day to those that were celebrated and those that weren’t. 

Happy Mother’s Day to those that are expecting and those that are surviving! 

Happy Mothers Day to you!

1/8/24

 January 8th. 

I am exhausted! Sincerely. 

1/1/2024

 January 1st... we meet again, this time in the tune of 2024. 

With the New Year comes NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS and honestly, I feel torn. Do I make them, do I not? If I don't am I uninspired by the idea of bettering myself, if I do what is the duration that I have to maintain in order to be successful?

RESOLUTION. It's not a new word, we all know it and use it. It is one of my favorites in fact I LOVE finding resolutions to problems.  I wonder though, are we doing ourselves a disservice by making halfhearted "New Year's Resolutions"? The terms of which are established as an obligatory offering for the new year. 

On one hand "new year new me" but on the other are we setting ourselves up by diluting the term?  I say that because I can only recall a smattering of conversation at the end of the year talking about their New Year's Resolution and how it changed their lives. The entire talk of New Year's Resolutions typically happens at the beginning of the year. We start off strong with all of these changes but then life happens, it becomes too much and then...we pivot. We can no longer maintain this resolution. 

Sometimes it feels like a scapegoat or a band aid. I am not going to stop completely, but I think it would be an interesting social experiment to look at it differently. Maybe our resolutions need to be more vague, or rather more all-encompassing. Is that an oxymoron a more vague, all-encompassing resolution? 

Resolution: 

- A firm decision to do or not to do something.

- The quality of being determined or resolute (admirably, purposeful, determined and unwavering).  

Are we FIRM in our decisions. Are we ACCOUTABLE for the things that we are resolute about? God knows that the world is full of people that are resolute (and absolute) in their opinions but are we maintaining the accountability for the ideals that we stand behind? 

I keep coming back to this idea of ACCOUNTABILITY. 

Maybe resolutions and accountability are intrinsically connected, and you cannot have one without the other. 

In November I signed a membership for a Pilates Studio - I can feel my body shifting, getting older, more rigid, less strong, less lean...I know that for my health I need to be more aware of what I am doing to feed my vessel and maintain its integrity. 

In 2024 I want to know that I helped write this chapter of my life. I want to end this year knowing that I played an integral part in what my life looks like. I want to know that regardless of the bitter and the sweet of life, I want to maintain accountability for how I handled myself. 

Will I be perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Will I have to apologize?  In the great words of Bert from Mary Poppins - INDUABIBLY!  

In the end what is important? I think it boils down to the idea of being resolute. 

Here's to 2024! 

Here's to being authentic, doing things that will support my mental and physical health, making mistakes but doing the best that I can with what I have and taking ownership of the roles I play in my life.

Here's to a continuation of focusing on responses born in love instead of fear, to loving my family and friends with fortitude and grace, for allowing people to have autonomy and growth.

Here's to connections with others and ourselves. 

Here's to gaining a more intimate relationship with my goals and resolutions. 

Here's to 2024 and all of the magic that exists in a world of possibilities.